i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
