So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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