i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
