So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
