At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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