Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
