I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
