I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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