Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
