yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
