Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
