break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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