john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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