Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
