i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
