Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
