so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
