Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
