U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
