Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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