The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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