nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
