Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
