I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
