Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
