Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
