He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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