i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
