I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Please don't give away my fajitas
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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