life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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