So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
