I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
