Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
