I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
