I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
