The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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