I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
