I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
