hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
