we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
