thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
