we made out on top of his cat.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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