I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
