If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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