I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
