She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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