im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
