i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
