The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
