Where are you?
In a non slutty way
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
