i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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