Duck Duck Cougar?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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