You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
