Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
